The calm before the sore.

Alright, lads and ladies. We’re nearly there. Monday looms like an unpaid bill — and I’ve decided to officially launch The Fit Rebuild without spontaneously combusting from panic (hopefully).

But before I throw myself face-first into calorie deficits and squats I definitely can’t do yet, I need to make sure I’m ready — like, properly ready. Not, “I bought some chicken and joined a gym” ready. I’m talking about an actual plan, food that won’t kill me, and enough preparation that I don’t immediately fail on Day One and end up crying into a family-sized bag of Doritos. Have you tasted those lime flavoured ones? Sooooooo good!

So here’s what needs to happen between now and Monday to avoid disaster.

1. The Plan (Because ‘Wing It’ Is How I Got Here)

Let’s be clear: I am not entering a bodybuilding competition. I am just trying to become a functioning adult who can move house in July without paramedics being involved. You see, last time out, the fridge (double American style one) ended up on its side, with food sprayed out all over the front garden. I won’t name names, but they know!

So my training plan is simple, realistic, and built for consistency — not heroics:

• Monday to Friday:
  • 30–45 minutes of strength training (think dumbbells, resistance bands, and a lot of heavy breathing).
• Weekends:
  • Active recovery: walking the dogs, cleaning the house like it’s an Olympic sport, stretching and pretending it’s yoga.
• Daily:
  • Steps target (I’m aiming for 10k… which is a lot more when you live near a sofa and own Netflix).

Key rule: No pressure to be perfect. I just have to show up — sweaty, grumpy, whatever — and get it done.

2. Operation: Kitchen Takeover

The kitchen is currently a crime scene.

We’re talking crisps in the bread bin, chocolate in the salad drawer, and no sign of protein unless you count the slice of ham I ate at 11pm last night. That didn’t happen, but I did eat 2 massive homemade pork burgers late last night, but my excuse is that I hadn’t calculated the calories – so they had to be eaten before the ‘Rebuild’ – right?

So the plan is:

• Clear out the junk.
  That includes the “for guests” biscuits. I am the guest. And I’ve overstayed my welcome.
• Stock up like I mean it.
  Chicken, eggs, veg, red meat, and whatever those green things are that come in bags and expire within 30 seconds.
• Snacks that won’t ruin me.
  Protein bars, rice cakes, fruit — things I can grab when the rage hunger kicks in.

I’m not banning chocolate or takeaways. I’m just not letting them run the show anymore. I’ll reward myself when I feel I deserve it.

3. Meal Prep (But Make It Lazy)

Look — I’m not about to turn into a meal prep influencer with matching Tupperware and a quinoa tattoo.

But I do need to take away the “I’m starving and there’s nothing ready” excuse. So here’s the lazy game plan:

• Cook in bulk.
  Big batches of chicken, veg and rice. Freeze it. Forget about it. High-five myself later.
• Have a go-to breakfast and lunch.
  If I have to think too hard before coffee, I’ll fail. Overnight oats and wraps with tuna or eggs are the current MVPs. But, we might have to change that up a bit.
• Keep dinner simple.
  A protein, a carb, a veg, and a prayer.

4. Mental Prep (Because This Isn’t Just About Abs)

I’m not expecting to feel motivated every day. But I am expecting to keep showing up — even if I’m tired, sore, or questioning all my life choices around Day 3.

So I’m reminding myself of this:

You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to start.

I’m also making sure I track progress, not just weight. That includes:

• Photos (yes, the horror’s coming on Monday)
• Measurements
• Mood, sleep, energy, etc.

Accountability is the name of the game — and if it means posting a video of me failing at a plank, so be it.

5. The Backup Plan (Because Life Happens)

What if I sleep in? What if I forget to defrost the chicken? What if the dogs eat my rice?

It’s fine. I’ll adapt. This isn’t a one-week challenge — it’s a long haul rebuild. If I have to shift workouts, order a healthier takeaway, or walk around the kitchen just to hit my step count — I’ll do it.

Consistency isn’t perfection. It’s doing something, even when the wheels wobble.

Final Thought

Come Monday, I might still be unprepared in a hundred small ways — but the big pieces will be in place. And that’s what matters.

Food? Prepped.
Plan? In motion.
Mindset? Somewhere between “let’s go” and “send help.”

Let’s do this — Fit Rebuild, Phase One: Engage.

(And if you see me face-first in a lasagne next week… pretend you didn’t.)